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Why some keep going back to their cheating partners?

Writer's picture: Braden OngBraden Ong


The journey from hate to healing is one that passes through the transformative gates of forgiveness. However, the act of forgiveness is not a simple decree but a process of deep introspection and profound self-awareness. To untangle from the attachment that hate forms, one must first unearth the motivations and false beliefs that keep this attachment alive.


Often, our subconscious clings to these intense emotions because they serve an unseen purpose. Hatred, though painful, can act as a protective mechanism, a shield that guards us from vulnerability by supplanting feelings of hurt with anger. It may also perpetuate a sense of connection to the partner who cheated, not because we want the relationship back in its old form, but because we fear the unknown of a life without them. This attachment can be traced back to the False Love Identity—those unwholesome beliefs that declare us unworthy of loyal love or destined to suffer betrayal. These beliefs create a narrative where pain feels familiar and justified.


To forgive and move beyond this attachment, it is crucial to bring these subconscious beliefs to the surface and challenge their validity. Consider asking yourself: Why do I believe I'm unworthy of true love? Why do I think I need this pain to stay connected to my past? These inquiries invite reflection on parts of oneself that have long gone unquestioned. Recognizing these false beliefs illuminates the motivation for maintaining such fierce emotional ties to the past.


Challenging these beliefs involves a conscious effort to replace them with truths that align more closely with one's inherent worth and potential. Perhaps the truth is that you are deserving of love that is steadfast and true, independent of past transgressions. Embracing this truth can help dissipate the hold of negative emotions, creating space for forgiveness.

Forgiveness, then, is less about absolving the other person and more about freeing oneself from the shackles of past hurt. It's a conscious decision to release the anchor of resentment and allow oneself to heal and grow. This transformation does not mean forgetting the betrayal but rather, cultivating a deeper understanding of oneself and, ultimately, letting go of the attachment that hate manifests.


In traversing this path, you pave the way for a future built on wholesome beliefs aligned with your true love identity. As a relationship coach, I am here to support you in unraveling these complexities, helping you move toward forgiveness with a clear heart, so you can embrace the boundless possibilities that await. It's about reclaiming your narrative, transmuting pain into growth, and stepping boldly into a renewed chapter of your life, defined by insight and empowerment.

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